The naked clowns are back!!

(Tom and I are May)

It’s getting cold here in SF! It’s chilly, I should say. It never really gets below 50, and after our recent Indian summer the current temperature of 58 feels downright frigid. All of my friends reading in Colorado – enjoy the blizzard!!

Actually I really do miss seasons, here. It’s hard to feel the passage of time, since we’re always living in the range between 50 – 80 degrees. When you live in San Francisco, no stories begin with the phrase “Remember last Winter when….” or “It was two Autumns ago that…” Each day is about the same as the last one. I have to make a serious effort to remember that November and December and January are the Winter months…

Some day, I hope to live with seasons again.

It’s been a while since I’ve regularly posted on here. This for a number of reasons, categorically explained below.

1. I got very busy. The months from January – June were incredibly busy for me. I made all of the costumes for the show I was also the lead role in. It was too much. My journal turned into page after page of to-do lists, and I never even had time to go back and cross off the finished things. I hope I never ever have to do that much work again.

2. I got a bit depressed. The incredible amount of work, and the fact much of it wasn’t work I love really got me down. When I’m not sleeping enough, don’t have my own space in which to decompress, doing the work of 3 people, and am very physically active, the smiling part of my day tends to be non-existent.

3. That sums it all up, actually.

Anyway, I’m back, and thought I would give this personal reflection-style blog another chance. My blogs are generally of the tumble-log variety – links to things other people have made, rather than expression generated by my own sweet self.

So…. my life has changed.

I don’t know where performing fits into my life or my future. I did not enjoy performing Alice – I’m still figuring out why. I LOVE dancing. I LOVE choreographing. I LOVE doing puppetry. So for now acting (and clowning…) have been put on hiatus.

I’m (hopefully) going back to school next year to finish my BA. I’m going to major in Cognitive Science – a mix of so many things I enjoy. Psychology, Computer Science, Neuroscience, Philosophy… I’m finishing up my application essays now. I have no idea where it might lead me – and I’m very comfortable with that uncertainty.

I miss my friends from college – and even most of my acquaintances from college. They were wonderful, vibrant, growing people with whom I felt a great excitement for the world and the things in it. I miss those people. I am excited to grow up with them – I am committed to keeping in touch.

My parents moved to Turkey. My brother is still in school in Minnesota. We’re all very far away from each other and it sometimes blows my mind when I remember I used to spend every day with them. I miss them.

I almost wrote: “My family moved to Turkey.” Now that I’m getting married, I’m taking another step down the path of creating my own family. I’m excited to have children. So is Tom, but we decided it would be smart to wait until after I finish my schooling. How amazing it feels to write that.

I feel so lucky. What an amazing life.

But I still have no idea what I want to do. I don’t even know what a Cognitive Scientist DOES. I am trying to be a dancer, again, but if I was too old at 16 surely I’m too old at 23.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is that life is good. But I can’t really point to why.

I’m getting back into contortion (after taking a 4 month break…. ouch). And I want to get in the habit of posting more pictures of my achievements here, for celebratory purposes. I’m still proud of the work I did on Alice, even though I would never want to repeat most of it again.

I hope you’ll join me again, for this next part of my journey.

Love,
Molly

Moved into the new apartment… we’re slowly getting things set up.

My honey is home!

More later!

Back from China – Tom and I are engaged! And studying Chinese and Computer Science at Community College in Berkeley, and getting ready to go back to school for Cognitive Science.

It’s a busy exciting time.

In November I’ll be moving out of San Francisco and into the East Bay with my fiance (I LOVE writing that), and we’re currently in the midst of planning our wedding. What an amazing life.